{"id":7761,"date":"2023-05-09T04:00:29","date_gmt":"2023-05-09T04:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/floridareview.cah.ucf.edu\/?post_type=article&p=7761"},"modified":"2023-05-09T04:00:29","modified_gmt":"2023-05-09T04:00:29","slug":"review-i-felt-the-end-before-it-came-by-daniel-allen-cox","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/cah.ucf.edu\/floridareview\/article\/review-i-felt-the-end-before-it-came-by-daniel-allen-cox\/","title":{"rendered":"Review: I Felt the End Before it Came by Daniel Allen Cox"},"content":{"rendered":"

Viking Books, May 9, 2023
\n240 pages
\n\"\"
\nIn his tenacious and sharply written memoir-in-essays I Felt the End Before it Came<\/em>, Daniel Allen Cox details his experiences as a queer man struggling against the lasting effects of his childhood indoctrination into the Jehovah\u2019s Witnesses. Cox\u2019s fifth book and first memoir is a culmination of what he describes as \u201ca lifelong project to redefine words that had once been used against [him].\u201d Throughout the book, Cox trades the church\u2019s Paradise for a Paradise of books and music, and a theology of shame for \u201ca theology of queer tenderness.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The memoir\u2019s episodic essay structure is original and inspired. Each piece focuses on how Cox experienced and ultimately rebelled against a different method of indoctrination. \u201cA Library for Apostates\u201d highlights the Witness\u2019s suppression of Cox\u2019s education, and details how he became a writer and educator despite this. In \u201cThe Witness is Complicit,\u201d Cox criticizes how the Witnesses use the promise of salvation from Armageddon to recruit new members, then ties this to his experience writing against the church during the COVID-19 pandemic. Cox\u2019s effort to balance information and anecdote often results in a satisfyingly profound insight.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe Glow of Electrum\u201d powerfully delves into how Cox was shamed by members of the church for his early speech impediment, which made him, in their eyes, a \u201cdefective missionary,\u201d then explores how he eventually \u201callowed strangeness of speech\u201d back into his life. The essay does an especially good job of seamlessly moving between anecdote, research, and synthesis, never staying in one mode too long, and plays with language in a way that fits well with its themes, defamiliarizing the experience of stuttering. \u201cNot all hesitations are composed of the same materials,\u201d Cox writes. \u201cA filler word can sound like the real thing. Sometimes the body continues moving through a word; the mouth freezes but the foot taps on.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In some stretches of the book, Cox will focus on information more than memoir, or memoir more than information. In \u201cMoonwalking to Armageddon,\u201d Cox spends much of the chapter on Michael Jackson\u2019s and Prince\u2019s experiences in the Jehovah\u2019s Witnesses. \u201cThe End of Times Square\u201d is almost entirely focused on the story of Cox\u2019s time as an adult photography model in late 90s New York City. It can feel like these parts lose focus on the book\u2019s project to serve as a blueprint for identifying and overcoming indoctrination, but they give a satisfying picture of the inner workings of the Jehovah\u2019s Witnesses and an intimate view of Cox\u2019s life, and keep the book from feeling monotone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cox\u2019s memoir is smart, funny, and gripping throughout. \u201cWe Are the Ones Held,\u201d an essay about his alcoholism, is filled with moving self-indictment and cultural critique, while also showing off Cox\u2019s knack for choosing details that show his humorous, yet always sensitive and empathetic, view of himself and others: \u201cI dismantled the wine rack in my bedroom and put it on the street, where someone picked it up within the hour, no doubt to set it up in another bedroom nearby.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The most memorable essay in the book is the aforementioned \u201cMoonwalking to Armageddon,\u201d about how Jehovah\u2019s Witnesses view the supernatural. The essay abounds with fun anecdotes and juicy insider strangeness, detailing, among other things, his church\u2019s enmity with The Smurfs. Cox is especially playful with his barbs here. He suggests, for instance, that Witnesses might be “jealous of Smurfs because they live an exclusive Paradise.\u201d The irreverence of the essay elevates a critique of the Witnesses\u2019 hypocrisy by showing it at its most absurd.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In I Felt the End Before it Came<\/em>, Cox ruminates with wit and insight on the universal themes of shame, identity, censorship, control, and emotional manipulation, while telling the story of his ongoing attempt to define his life outside of the church\u2019s dogmatism. His meticulous approach to dismantling and overcoming methods of control and manipulation will feel cathartic to many readers.<\/p>\n

\n

Parts of I Felt the End Before it Came<\/em> appeared in\u00a0The<\/em>\u00a0Florida Review <\/em>vol. 45.2 as “Death Trap”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cox\u2019s memoir is smart, funny, and gripping throughout.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":7762,"template":"","categories":[9,139,1569],"tags":[889,1919,1920],"class_list":["post-7761","article","type-article","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aquifer","category-book-review","category-reviews","tag-aquifer","tag-daniel-allen-cox","tag-i-felt-the-end-before-it-came"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nReview: I Felt the End Before it Came by Daniel Allen Cox - The Florida Review<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cah.ucf.edu\/floridareview\/article\/review-i-felt-the-end-before-it-came-by-daniel-allen-cox\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Review: I Felt the End Before it Came by Daniel Allen Cox - The Florida Review\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Cox\u2019s memoir is smart, funny, and gripping throughout.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cah.ucf.edu\/floridareview\/article\/review-i-felt-the-end-before-it-came-by-daniel-allen-cox\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Florida Review\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/cah.ucf.edu\/floridareview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/43\/2023\/05\/9780735242104.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"300\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"450\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cah.ucf.edu\/floridareview\/article\/review-i-felt-the-end-before-it-came-by-daniel-allen-cox\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cah.ucf.edu\/floridareview\/article\/review-i-felt-the-end-before-it-came-by-daniel-allen-cox\/\",\"name\":\"Review: I Felt the End Before it Came by Daniel Allen Cox - 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