in my recent bloodwork chart, I saw it and I fled.<\/p>\n
Panic ripped through me like sallow gas<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
and as an animal would,<\/p>\n
I must have believed<\/p>\n
I could hide from my own leaking math. Pregnancy<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
or tumor\u2014those were the options<\/p>\n
and I wasn\u2019t sure which one I wanted<\/p>\n
less. Around and around I went<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
in my apartment parking lot as if pursued<\/p>\n
through carmine alleyways. Oh, my blood<\/p>\n
and its mutable omens. My brain and its end<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
of days. It didn\u2019t matter<\/p>\n
that the dusk was beautiful in the early<\/p>\n
rainy season when the sky takes<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
on the plush and tropical hues of stone<\/p>\n
fruits so I could remember that I lived<\/p>\n
in a place far but not too far<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
from the ocean. Magnolia flowers sat<\/p>\n
primly in their teacups. Gray and white<\/p>\n
birds shone where they flew like lights<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
off moving water. It started to get dark.<\/p>\n
My parents couldn\u2019t find me.<\/p>\n
My boyfriend was asleep<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
halfway across the world. I walked as if to leave<\/p>\n
behind my body, though I understood<\/p>\n
I had to receive what it offered me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So this is what it means<\/em><\/p>\n to be alone<\/em>, I said inside myself<\/p>\n and to myself as a violet wind pushed through<\/p>\n <\/p>\n the palm fronds above me, initiating a sound I recognized<\/p>\n like the rustle of dry grasses<\/p>\n before a storm, as the first<\/p>\n <\/p>\n stars opened their eyes to nightfall<\/p>\n the way an apocalypse can mean<\/p>\n to reveal.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I must have believed \/ I could hide from my own leaking math .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":6073,"template":"","categories":[9,49,119],"tags":[1767,6,201,1768],"class_list":["post-6069","article","type-article","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aquifer","category-literary-features","category-poetry","tag-anne-barngrover","tag-aquifer-the-florida-review-online","tag-poetry","tag-the-night-my-number-tripled"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n